Can't We All Just Get Along?

By Dan Ackerman

With the recent outburst from the mayor over the Brooklyn Museum, we find ourselves thrust back into an area of politics New Yorkers have never been entirely comfortable with. The Rudy Zone, as one might refer to it, involves our mayor provoking a pointless feud with some other elected official, public entity or group. The Rudy Zone is a scary place to be, as the normal rules of both logic and decorum cease to exist.

The Rudy Zone embodies the contrary feelings many New Yorkers have about their mayor. On one hand, we give him credit for reductions in crime and other social ills--the city is indeed much more livable than it was ten years ago. On the other hand, the more success Rudy sees with crime and law enforcement, the more he goes off the deep end on other issues, deeply infuriating large sections of the public. The general wisdom is this: Rudy was great for most of his first term, then as soon as he got re-elected, the pedestrian anti-jaywalking barricades went up and the mayor succumbed to his own press.

Like a bloated rock star who insists that his fans will love his new three-album rock opera, hizzoner has so completely lost touch with New York that he fancies himself some kind of stern camp counselor, chastising unruly kids for their own good.

The comment has been made that Rudy is objecting to the show "Sensation: Young British Artists from the Saatchi Collection," in order to curry upstate and conservative votes for his upcoming senate run. This theory ignores the larger truth of The Rudy Zone: Giuliani is not a robtically pragmatic political animal like say, Hillary Clinton or George "Dubya" Bush. He's left a long string of lost causes and grudge matches behind him, blasting his enemies on a personal level and challenging the press and rivals to take him to court (which they frequently do).

So, in order to better understand the man who will soon be either a senator or unemployed, we present some of Rudy's best-known feuds.

Rudy vs. The Grammy Awards
Last year, Rudy got caught up in a fight with Michael Greene, president of the National Academy of Arts and Sciences, over reported rudeness to a member of the mayor's staff. Rudy ended up casting the award show out of New York over the slight, saying, any city that wants to host the Grammys is "welcome to them."

Rudy vs. Taxi Drivers
When taxi drivers objected to what some called draconian new regulations, Rudy went ballistic, accusing the drivers of being a public threat. When the drivers staged a one-day strike, Rudy said, "One day without cabs on the street improved the quality of life." Two days later, he backtracked, saying the strike was an "open violation of the laws and regulations of the City of New York."

Rudy vs. Food Vendors
Sure hot dog cart guys are generally not bastions of sanitary food and we would never be caught dead eating something from one of them, but hey, they're a part of New York, and the tourists love 'em. But, Rudy, in conjunction with the coalition of Business Improvement Districts, wanted to ban the pushcarts from 144 city blocks. Angry words ensued, with the mayor accusing the vendor's association of being inflexible about being kicked off of streets in midtown and the financial district.

Rudy vs. Carl McCall
Heaven forbid some should question Rudy's accounting. Especially if you're a democrat. When controller Carl McCall pointed out in 1997 that the city was dangerously behind on some bridge repairs, Rudy shot back that, "[McCall] is a partisan politician, not a controller."

Rudy vs. The X-Mayors
Perhaps in lieu of a superhero team like the Avengers or the Justice League, New York has The X-Mayors. A team of three democrats who spent much of the last two decades sniping at each other, The X-Mayors come together in times of crisis. Their foe? The megalomaniac mastermind, Rudy. Whether it's charter reform or the Million Youth March, Abe Beame, Ed Koch and David Dinkins are always willing to catch some flack from Rudy. "Maybe you should take a look at their credibility," warns Giuliani.

Rudy vs. the Media
Of course, Rudy's favorite target is the New York media. Whether it's New York magazine and their bus adds, "Possibly the only good thing in New York Rudy hasn't taken credit for," or news reports on police brutality, Rudy always has something to say about the media. Says the mayor, "What has happened is our television stations and our newspapers have been turned over to unbalanced, excessive criticism."

We could go on and on. There's Rudy vs. Rudy Crew, Rudy vs. Normal Siegal, Rudy vs. Al Sharpton, Rudy vs. Ray Kelley--you get the idea. Of course, this year, for the sixth year in a row, Rudy gave himself straight A's on his personal report card to the city.

Read more about Rudy at the parody site YesRudy.com.

Dan Ackerman will be dissected and mounted in formaldehyde at the Brooklyn Museum of Art next week.