How the Grinch stole etoy.com
By Joe Salkowski
StarNet Dispatches
Mon Dec 20 10:45:24 1999
While the Web-sters in Web-ville were having their fun
The Grinches at eToys were coming undone.
For the Web-sters had posted a site with a name
That, to some on the Net, looked exactly the same. Etoy, they called it: www.etoy.com,
A name that might baffle any Jane, Dick or Tom
Who was looking for eToys - that's toys with an "s"
But there's lots of bad typists in Web-ville, I guess. Etoy's the name of an artist's collective
That publishes satire, jokes and invective.
But the Grinches at eToys were hardly amused.
In fact, they were feeling a little abused! They figured that shoppers in search of their store
Found etoy instead and went looking no more.
The Web-sters in Web-ville might think that's a hoot
But the Grinches were looking for someone to shoot. "We can't sell our tricycles, dolls or Nintendo!
If etoy remains, our profits will end-o!
Our Christmas sales were to be quite substantial
But etoy will spike our fourth-quarter financials!" So the Grinches from eToys came up with a way
To protect their shareholders from utter dismay
And remind those Web-sters that e-commerce rules
On a network constructed for scientists and schools. "If the Web-sters in Web-ville think they are so cute
Let's see what they think of a trademark lawsuit!
We'll claim they're infringing on our copyright
And since they're so small, they won't hardly fight!" While the Web-sters were lying a-snooze in their beds
The Grinches at eToys were litigating instead.
Their overpriced lawyers came up with a tort
And took etoy to task in Superior Court. A judge there announced a preliminary injunction
And said those poor Web-sters could no longer function
With the address they've used since 1995
So that eToys, in this Christmas season, could thrive. The Grinches couldn't wait 'till the Web-sters awoke!
"They've laughed their last laugh! Joked their last joke!
Without a domain name, they're just an IP!
They'll prank all their prankings where no one will see!" The Grinches climbed back in their cubicle desks
And figured they'd not hear again from those pests.
They dreamed of the profits their actions would bring;
Enough cyber-loot to make shareholders sing! So the Grinches at eToys put hands to their ears
To detect the Web traffic they knew would appear.
And they did hear a sound, rising over the snow:
It was eToys' Web server preparing to blow! It seems those darned Web-sters, those geeky court jesters
Had inspired an army of online protesters!
Since the suit against etoy was making them frown,
They decided to make eToy's Web site break down! If the Grinches hoped people would come to their store,
The Web-sters would give them their wish - and much more!
In the weeks leading up to that grand Christmas Day,
They'd create enough traffic to bring down eBay! How will the Grinches react to it all?
Will their servers stand up, or will revenues fall?
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas was just allegory
But this Internet tale is a mostly true story. A group named RTMark is playing this blame game
To protest how eToys has filched a domain name
From artists and jokesters - Oh how they deplore them!
For having the nerve to get "etoy" before them. By the time the Grinches at eToys got started
The Web-sters, with "etoy.com," had departed.
Domain registration is first come, first serve
Unless you have money for lawyers - and nerve. The Grinches at eToys may not care at all,
For it's said that their brains are three sizes too small,
But it can't be a good thing for girls or for boys
To make people mad when you want to sell toys. So this Christmas season, when you're a-Web shopping
You might think about where your cash will be dropping.
If you like, send a message to eToys that day
That e-commerce is nice, but you value fair play. There are plenty of places to buy Pokémon
Or any of many things made in Japan.
Teach those Grinches at eToys a holiday lesson:
With the Web-sters of Web-ville, they shouldn't be messin'. Links
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