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Purty FUX

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Oh bugger. [11 Apr 2003|07:06pm]
Someone kill me... or failing that, just punch me aound a little until i fall over.
Cup your hands around my bouncy titties

[09 Apr 2003|05:51pm]
Woo-hoo!

Evil-Badger-Welcome to spandex-loving userinfomzjae! Great to see you in pixels!!!

She's got a crazy thang down like dat.
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[06 Apr 2003|03:50pm]
I'm going to go off on one now.

Two days ago I walked into my Dad's bedroom to use the hairdryer wearing only a towel. He was laid on the bed watching TV. Then suddenly he spoke...

"Helen, there are certain things a father can say to a daughter, aren't there?"

"Erm.... what?"

"Are you putting weight on?"

"I suppose. I do sit ups though"

"You'd just better be careful, you've got the same body build as your mum."

Right. What is wrong with my dad... I am a size 12, granted I used to be a size 8 when I was 15, but if anything's going to make a girl unhappy with her weight, it's her own parents telling her she's putting weight on and then hinting that it is a bad thing. He never comments on my outfits unless it need ironing, it's too brief or it makes me look big.

Well sod him. From now on I'm going to cook the tea, and I'll put a double helping of Body Build 2000 in his mash. We'll see who's the fat one...
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[05 Apr 2003|03:45pm]
( Hehehhe.... hello Wildman! )
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[05 Apr 2003|12:36pm]
It's all gone a bit mad, hasn't it!

Erm... I'm wearing a skirt... for once.
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[05 Apr 2003|12:34pm]
Poetry Freestyle

The day outside is bright
You see more than at night,
I wish I had a bite
Of toast with some marmite
The chance is that I might
My stomach's feeling slight
I want to do what's right
Too baggy or too tight?
The day outside is good
There's not a trace of mud
I've wiped up all the blood
And the plants are sprouting buds
This poem is a mess
And that I must confess
How can I wear a dress
If I have no matching shoes?

HC - Now.

And now for the bit you'll all comment on...



"Me and my brother, we like to play money games!"


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[05 Apr 2003|02:56am]
I'm off to bed now.

Bloody good webcam.... makes a drunk person look like this...

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[05 Apr 2003|02:01am]
I just got a webcam and I want to use it.

Someone IM me.
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[04 Apr 2003|02:12am]
( The Change )
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Brain Stimulation [04 Apr 2003|02:04am]




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[04 Apr 2003|01:12am]
I hate taxis. It's a bit of a strange concept really. When you are little, you parents get worried that you will climb into a stranger's car thinking that they are family friends. When you grow older, they encourage you to phone up a stranger, tell them to pick you up, and pay them.

It's a bloody strange world.

Also, if a cow warms up whilst it's lactating, does it get stomach cramp when the milk goes bad?

Is the smell of death really putrid, or is it just interpreted as putrid because it is the smell of death?

-------------------------------------------------------


I saw userinfobumblywitch today as I was entering my local drinking establishment. I thought she was in Leicester, so I was a little taken aback. She came in for a half (of Guinness - shame on her) and we spoke about old times. Was fun!! Miss oo noodles!

I also found the time to pop into the shop where my friendly mechanic works, and he told me that he may be repairing a fairly new Renault Clio and I may be interested. Oooh! Car galore!!!

Hmm what else?

The Global Rumours Of Today...

1) The FTSE was first discovered in a sleeve.
2) Los Angeles train are not allowed to turn right without a permit.
3) Your middle name wasn't inspired by the midwife.
4) Richard broke the drawer in your bedroom.
5) Rachel lost her shoe in reception (some of you may be fully aware of this already)
6) McDonalds do not make a profit on Happy Meals.
7) The letter B only operates fully at night.
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[03 Apr 2003|12:11am]
I have one word to tell the world...


PERVERT!!!!
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OOh I'm punking arty now! [02 Apr 2003|06:59pm]


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[02 Apr 2003|03:56pm]
A - Act your age? Yes. I eat, sleep and shave 19.
B - Born on what day of the week? Wednesday. Full of woe, spend my doe, pay that ho!
C - Chore you hate? Chore I hate what? Quizzes? Of course I hate them!
D - Dad's name? Dave. Or Cockhead.
E - Essential makeup item? Eyeliner, pink blush and black lipstick. Oh, and I couldn't go a day without my wart lotion!
F - Favorite actor? Sandra Bullock (I noticed there was no question for 'favorite actress')
G - Gold or silver? White gold. Haha.
H - Hometown? Woodham, Surrey.
I - Instruments you play? Keyboard, and I like to sing too. (see entry below)
J - Job title? Data Disposal Clerk... soon to change. (I throw stuff away for £7 an hour)
K - Kids? Who'd have 'em?!
L - Living arrangements? I live with half of my family.
M - Mom's name? Yo Crazy Momma, or 'Drugz Bitch-a!'
N - Number of people you've slept with? Less than a thousand.
O - Overnight hospital stays? Only while I was being born... oh, not even then cos I was born within a few hours!
P - Phobia? Amy Studt.
Q - Quote you like? Nuthin in ma' noggin.
R - Religious affiliation? Quite...
S - Siblings? A sister and two brothers, and a couple of homies and a biznitch or two.
T - Time you wake up? I suppose it is.
U - Unique habit? Not my outfit of choice...
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? Cabbage. Reminds me of my GCSE grades.
W - Worst habit? My brown one... just too tight! (Of COURSE it's as funny the second time!!)
X - X-rays you've had? Wrist.
Y - Yummy food you make? I do a mean sandich.
Z - Zodiac Sign? Libra... Polite and Fucked. Apparently this week I shall find a silver monkey sat on my dad's car re-sewing a hole in a pair of my old school trousers. It is meant to symbolise Inner-Realisation.
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[02 Apr 2003|03:27pm]
Isn't the icon cute?!

Cup your hands around my bouncy titties

[02 Apr 2003|02:43pm]
I got you all a little present/puzzle for being so very patient with my livejournal over the last few months... here ya go!

Guess the Song! (sung by Yours Truly!)

http://www.boomspeed.com/mrsmunq/song.wav

Enjoy!
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[26 Mar 2003|05:20pm]
I got broadband!
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Pissed oopostin is fun. [18 Feb 2003|01:23am]
Yup. The helen is pissme

I think oi might trash people's email thingiges cos it is fun and destructive. I went out eiht clair tontight and got lots of sdrinks bought for me bny a lesbian... I think thsat was somew kibd of ploiy. shitty fucking keyboraed wiith wrong letters onit.

YOU AKKF FUCKING LOVE <ME.

wot noe? fuxing hell type bitch.

Oh dear trach trash trash! talkignblocx

like a bithc fjking birthc.

this is soooo fucjing worminvg. aaarrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if you ersaa are on messenfger then OL IM me.

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

my phone nujebr is -1-19393993 5575758585 hehehhehehheheeeehe

i can sppeeek russian eithriughkjbgkbgds gjdhdsh dsa gdjkhgdsoig gjdsnsgjkh dsohsuigsduighds jgdjkhgids udsjkgh uoygdsia.
that emanrs hello/


dssadsasa
dsa
sds
sads
s
s
.
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[08 Feb 2003|11:53pm]
Flowers For Algernon made me cry.
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[08 Feb 2003|05:31pm]
20 Things I Want To Do:

1) Be warmer than I currently am.
2) Become a great singer like Sarah Mclachlan or Britney or Mariah or Elvis and sing my little lungs out.
3) Play my music a little louder.
4) Beat Mixael's spanky ass at snooker.
5) Learn how to play snooker.
6) Work more hours at work.
7) Have enough money to buy 3 pairs of trousers in one go.
8) Get more letters than my Dad for once.
9) Have sex on the sofa.... again.
10) Tell Mixael I love him in 27 languages.
11) Become a fitness freak.
12) Get a valentines card sent in the post by someone anonymous.
13) Be mentioned at the Brits.
14) Influence Jennifer Lopez into wearing pink dungarees to the Brits (where she then mentions me for it).
15) Write a poem.
16) Meet more people.
17) Lay down.
18) Smile in the face of danger without blapping my pants.
19) Remember stuff straight away.
20) Be the first in the entire human race to taste fire.

20 Things I Am Happy To Have Done:

1) Been in a Limo.
2) Seen John Mayer live.
3) Grown small tits.
4) Passed my driving test.
5) Given up keyboard lessons.
6) Maintained a decent relationship with my siblings.
7) Put toast in the toaster.
8) Chosen Godalming College.
9) Quit Smoking.
10) Woken up next to Mixael this morning.
11) Bought KY Jelly.
12) Created a journal.
13) Washed my car, and my brother's and dad's car too.
14) Changed my trousers after washing the cars.
15) Made the decision not to meet up with an internet friend when I was younger.
16) Had my nip pierced.
17) Removed it before someone did it for me.
18) Stopped when the bottle was empty.
19) Grown up a bit.
20) Reached number 20.

20 Things I Wish I Hadn't Done:

1) Spent all that money.
2) Been so wreckless sexually.
3) Drunk so much last night.
4) Been so naive in relation to my parents.
5) Got pregnant.
6) Lied in number 5.
7) Let dad hear Sarah Mclachlan.
8) Picked the spot on my face.
9) Suggested that I clean all the cars.
10) Hurt people the way I did.
11) Built people's hopes up.
12) Let those drunk americans spoil St Patrics Day at John Mayer.
13) Let Clair kiss Lea.
14) Told a certain secret to a certain someone.
15) Built up so many regrets.
16) Let this computer break and leave it dead for so long.
17) Leave my room messy.
18) Been so sympathetic 8 months ago.
19) Lend my Eels albums to someone I would blatantly lose contact with.
20) Dyed my hair that mank purple black.
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