UPON HER RETURN FROM TRAINING IN BIOSPHERE 2, DIANE THE AMERICAN SWIMMER FACED TOUGH QUESTIONS ABOUT THE FUTURE OF SWIMMING ON MARS. SHE ATTENDED THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS, BUT DID NOT APPEAR TO BE AN HONORED GUEST, LEAVING SOME TO SPECULATE ON THE FUTURE OF THE MARS MISSION. AN EXCERPT FROM HER PRESS CONFERENCE FOLLOWS:

Q: Why was there no mention about your Mars Mission during Bush's State of the Union Address?

DIANETHEAMERICANSWIMMER: I honestly don't know. Sometimes, you know, WHat ISnt Said is like, JUST as important. I know I having meeting with The PREsident next Week, so you know... I WILL Update you if it isnt like TOO top secret

Q: Is it true that you are going to swim in Iraq?

SWIMMER: Um... not that I know... I am pretty busy trainingfor MARS, I dont have time for stuff like Iraq. BUT IF PresideNT Bush wanted me to, I would... We jUST dont talk that MUCH ABout it.

Q: Do you care to comment on the recent elections in Iraq?

SWIMMER: Well, I didn't really think that they would be a really big deal. I mean, like, didn't we already put someone in charge of the country? I mean I think thatS what happened, right? Didn't like MR Rumsfeld and MrTENEt draw straws to see which of their guys would be the guy in charGE?? All I know is that Rumsfelds Guy CHalabi, got the boot, and the CIA guy Allawi got to be the Head Guy. It was all pretty interesting to see hoW things LIKE running Other Governments work. I am Pretty Lucky to be In THE Position I am IN... I try to remembe that.

Q: Do you care to comment on the quote from General Mattis that it is fun to shoot people?

SWIMMER: I think it is nice when people like their jobs. I know I do!