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: : : —DO YOU THINK YOU'D EVER go back? asks Thomas, pouring tonic in her glass.
—Maybe, she says. —Eventually. I mean, it'll be another year before I have saved up enough vacation time.
—I didn't exactly mean as a vacation.
She takes the glass from him, sips. —Then what did you mean?
—I mean—do you think you'd go over there to live?
—While I was over there I wondered what it would be like. To stay in that environment. And, I mean, I have to admit, there are some elements of that as a plan that are incredibly appealing—
—Uh huh, says Thomas, nodding, stirring his own drink. —I get that. And I know that there's maybe not that much keeping you here—
—Well— Janine says, —what do you mean?
Thomas shrugs, looks down at the ice in his glass. —I mean your parents are in Florida, you don't see them that often—
—True.
—Your job—I mean, your job's okay—
—It's okay, Janine concedes.
—But it's not—
—No, it's not—
—So—
—So that's it then? I should just pack up and take off?
—Well, over there it seems like you've got the beginning of a kind of support network—I know that that's something that you've been wanting—so—
Janine watches him. She takes a sip from her glass. —Let me ask you something, she says.
He blinks.
—How would it make you feel? If I went permanently to Germany.
—Well, he says. —It's not really about how I'd feel.
—True, she says, —but how would it make you feel?
He looks away. —Bad, he says.
—Then why are you doing this?
—Doing what?
—Trying to talk me into going.
—I'm not—
—Thomas. You are.
He pauses.
—So why? she says.
—I just wanted to put the option out there in front of you, he says. —So that you could know that you could go if you wanted to go. I wanted to show you that it would be OK.
—But it wouldn't be OK, would it? You said you'd feel bad.
—I know, Thomas says. — But if you wanted to go I wouldn't want you to worry about that. The way I feel—the way I feel isn't important.
—Oh honey, Janine says.
—I just—I've always thought that you thought of our relationship as kind of—temporary, I guess. Something to sort of stand in for a—real relationship—the kind you want—
He's surprised to find that he's beginning to cry.
—Oh my poor sweet idiot, Janine says. She draws him to her, strokes his hair.
—Listen to me, she says. —Listen. This relationship is real. This relationship is the kind I want. I've been with you for over two years now—you think that's just because nothing better came along?
He nods miserably, his head on her shoulder.
—You do think that?
He nods again.
—But that's terrible.
He nods a third time and then they both laugh a little. They separate. She looks at his face and wipes moisture from his cheeks.
—You OK? she asks.
He nods.
—You sure? she says.
He nods again.
—OK, she says. —You want to eat?
: : :
:: Year entries
Index | << | 51 | >>
:: Thomas entries
Index | << | 4 | >>
:: Janine entries
Index | << | 6 | >>
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