I came to learn about my country slowly as I grew up in the United States. Now and then, Univision would do a bit about the "hambruna" or the sudden rise in the price of beans. I understood, at the age of 12, that the nicaraguan government  is corrupt and that people are poor; and so I thought I am poor too, and this fact has brought me here. Being poor is in our genes, or so it seems. My parents, whom didn't see anything good coming out of the Revolution by 1988 decided to bring my sister and I to Florida, USA. I was only six and my sister was two  going on three. My dad left his job at the American Embassy in Managua to work in construction sites here in Miami. My mom left her secretarial position in a government organization to come clean toilets and vacuum carpetted floors each night. We lived in an efficiency for 5 years, when rent was only 300 dollars. 

 My first visit back to Nicaragua, after leaving in late 88' was 13 years later, when I graduated high school. My spanish was terrible then, but I went with all the exictement of being reunited with cousins, aunts, uncles, and my only surviving grandparents, Don Ernesto y Doña Lila, my dad's parents. I took pride in being whom I was. Growing up here has allowed me to view my national identity through the eyes of others, namely, the various latin american neighbors I have here in Miami. My parents have had countless negative experiences with the cuban community; but I was always good at ignoring baseless opinions, so I didn't care  so much what they thought  of me, or perhaps I was too young to be offended by them. So, at the age of nineteen I learned that I wasn't as "Nica" as Miami set me out to be. Whether I speak in English or in Spanish my nationality was always an elusive one to those whom encountered me. The hardest thing about that trip was realizing that  Nicaragua was not home. Because I grew up in Miami as a nica, people always have that primary connection to your mother country, as I did. I grew up on the assumption that the US is temporary. And that some day we'll all go back home.