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NTK '99

25/12/98
Holiday Special #8
Christmas InDin with all the trimmings

18/12/98
#75
politic, politics, quake fragfests, politics

11/12/98
#74
making a stand, cyberstrikes and proof of a CONSPIRACY

04/12/98
#73
Wassenaar, Flavor Flav, Zope!

27/11/98
#72
Netscape dies, Cliffilms, Chocolata

20/11/98
#71
Phantom Menace, Patches as Art, and Wiki

13/11/98
#70
Domains, Ataris, and Tommy Flowers

06/11/98
#69
Mark thingy, Christian whatsisname, and Scawen scary name

30/10/98
#68
HipCrime, Tron and Halloweeeeen

23/10/98
#67
More Tales From The Crypt, Sunbather Falco and Roobarb

16/10/98
#66
ADSL, John Prescott, and the Anarchist Bookfair

09/10/98
#65
DVD 1 Industry 0, XFM, and Funny Food

02/10/98
#64
Sky Digitalis, Clickety-Click

25/09/98
#63
Dixons Docks, Orwell Knocks, but Flash gets it clean

18/09/98
#62
ISP trust, RISC PC busts, and homeless IT bosses

11/09/98
#61
Starr networks, Ya Basta Blasters, token Windows software

04/09/98
#60
Explorer runs out of memories, PGP 6, and Pat

28/08/98
#59
Whose whois, Gameboy hacking, San Francisco

21/08/98
Holiday Special #7
BT Highway Robbery, Bab5 Wrap Party,
CU Amiga RIP

14/08/98
Holiday Special #6
Strange Customs, OpenSource Meet, Victorian Net

07/08/98
#58
Microsoft doublethink, Beebisms, Resfest

31/07/98
#57
Net myths, Spy cams, and Hartley Hare

24/07/98
#56
Beeb Falco, Millions Lost, and Dave "King Stupid" Green

17/07/98
#55
Apple booms, DES doomed, DEFCON reaches VI

10/07/98
#54
iMacs, Script Kiddies, and Is He Serious?

03/07/98
#53
Ireland, Italy, and the End of The World

26/06/98
#52
Net censors, Psion, and dead as a SOHO

19/06/98
#51
Nominaughtiness, databastardery, and Patrick Moore event

12/06/98
#50
BT goes cheap, Doc Solomon goes West, and ICQ goes downmarket

05/06/98
#49
No news, street news, sweet news

29/05/98
#48
@Home, Ross' Foundation, Power Renames

22/05/98
#47
Gateswar!, Open Source flightsim, and a happy birthday

15/05/98
#46
MacOS X, Anarchist Studies, and bloody Killer Net

08/05/98
#45
Red Buses, Apple iMacs, more Killer Net

01/05/98
#44
Crypto policy, IMDB sales, MP3 in your car

24/04/98
#43
Falcomania, ICA knobbled, Spacewar!

17/04/98
#42
BIB rumours, Intel downturn, and Dougie Coupland

10/04/98
#41
RIPE.NET, Microsoft bribes, Richard 'Trek Wars' Barry

03/04/98
#40
Demon sales, USENET wars, MOZILLA!

27/03/98
#39
JavaOne, Edge Dunderheads, Virtual Turntables

20/03/98
#38
LineOne, Scallywag, and Fete de l'Internet

13/03/98
#37
Crypto, Technorealists, Crypto-Technorealists

06/03/98
#36
Gates and the Senators, IWF takes their PICS, Bull Electronic

27/02/98
#35
BIB backtracking, Hacker witch hunts, UKCAC

20/02/98
#34
Crypto shenanigans, Alledged Jobs nuttiness, Action SuperCross

13/02/98
#33
Key escrow, Tempest spooks, XML

06/02/98
#32
Bill flanned, Postel goes postal, mealy MILIA melee

30/01/98
#31
Compaq gobble DEC, Bill damage-limits, Time Crisis 2

23/01/98
#30
Netscape lose the source,
CU Amiga "sucks dogs", Pinker speaks!

16/01/98
#29
Excite gets kids, Dennis has kittens, Webmedia kicks bucket

09/01/98
#28
Microsoft mad, Apple make money, the zine scene

NTK '97

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         "Students are fundamentally opposed to something that locks

           them in. They're not lulled into the promises of up-front

                                                              money"

           - Apple's John Santaro, on Microsoft's "free software for

                                                      schools" drive

                        maybe if you offered them record vouchers...





                               >> HARD NEWS <<

                               we can't defuse



         Expect a flurry of "Hoots, Demon!" jokes in the next few

         days, when the news that Uncle Cliff finally flogged DEMON

         INTERNET hits the headlines. For it was plucky, regional

         SCOTTISH TELECOM who snapped the plucky, but getting a bit

         bored of pluckiness, ISP from the sweaty hands of the

         telephone giants. Weirdly, rumour has it that the big

         telcos (names mentioned in the wooing were BT and NTL) were

         actually offering more cash than the canny Scots, but,

         idiosyncratic to the end, Demon went with the outsider. Now

         all that remains is for the shares to be handed over. Which

         presents a slight problem for the higher circles of the

         inferno - what about all the share options owned by the

         rest of the Demon staff? Current price offered: twenty quid

         a share. But what if they all say "noo"?

         http://www.demon.net/

         - two months' Internet access per share? Three?

         http://www.scottishtelecom.com/st_x3.htm

         - "Virtual shopping lets you 'try on' clothes in your size"



         The perfect April Fool's joke: upload 15MB of laughter

         track WAVs to ftp.mozilla.org, then run like crazy. But no

         - boring old NETSCAPE went and posted the complete source

         to Navigator, as pledged, instead. Hysteria in the Free

         Software community followed, mostly at Jamie Zawinski's

         monster Mozilla party in downtown SF. NTK reporters were

         there to watch JWZ "liberate" the rest of the commercial

         software he had in his cubicle by throwing CD-ROMs at the

         slavering audience, while huge monitors showed a cat of the

         C/C++ code. Also noted: "more girls than you'd expect". Of

         course, all the real fun was going on elsewhere - with the

         Anglo-Australian transworld Cryptozilla coding tag-teams,

         who, just fifteen hours after the code release, had plugged

         back in the strong cryptography support that the US

         government had demanded Netscape strip out. You see what

         you miss if you waste your life partying?

         http://www.winklerad.com/staff/jay/mozilla/psn00016.jpg

         - more guys dressed as strawberries than you'd expect, too

         http://mozilla-crypto.ssleay.org/press/19980401-02/

                 - Damn! When did these foreigners learn to program?

         http://www.altmuehlnet.baynet.de/~carlica/bill/baddm.html

                    - dateline: 1976. Bill decides against GNU BASIC



         USENET spammers were struck a near-fatal blow this week, as

         the amassed forces of antispamdom (new word) got bored and

         went home. From today, the cancelling anti-spam bots that

         guard USENET from the more outrageous mass-mailers will be

         turned off, allowing spam to flood the system as much as it

         wants. It remains to be seen whether USENET will crash,

         quite literally, in flames, or the spammers will notice

         that no-one's listening anymore and move on to a more

         effective medium, like jamming teletext broadcasts or

         something. In the meantime, we recommend you retire to your

         mailing-list bunkers until the fallout has cleared. This

         has been a public service announcement.

         http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339705297.1

                                               - run away! run away!



         FALLLLLLCOOOOOOO! The bad, BAD thoughts of those predicting

         the demise of Saatchi & Saatchi's favourite Web design

         house AMX DIGITAL were vindicated Thursday when

         "voluntarily liquidation" spontaneously occurred. Top Falco

         goes to the anonymous source who sent an eerily prescient

         tip back in mid-February. Of course, the ravings that

         accompanied it - suggesting that the liquidation would be

         followed by an instant reforming of the company under a

         different name - must be discounted as wildest speculation.

         But then, what do we know? We thought AMX were the guys who

         did the mouse for the BBC Micro. And who is RealTime, and

         why would they want 80% of the new company? Does anyone

         know? No. Still, eh? Falcoooooooooo!

         http://www.amxdigital.com/bob_d_1.html

                                - "you can't predict the unexpected"

         http://www.artwalker.com/o/

           - the AMX mouse people appear to have gone completely mad

         http://www.picknmix.demon.co.uk/MrA.htm

               - or maybe they always were: stories from the old AMX

         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=a98/now0213.txt&l=306#l

                                      - and what is "Falco", please?





                               >> ANTI-NEWS <<

                             berating the obvious



         ANON.PENET.FI Scientology case finally closes - without a

         prosecution... MIKE BATT writes letter to Music Week

         warning of illicit Womble MP3 downloads... "Apple Board

         Says Jobs Can Stay as Long as He Likes", reveals NEW YORK

         TIMES... MAC OFFICE 98 bug tries to trash System folder

         when you uninstall: Microsoft "recommends not using this

         utility"... RES ROCKET now freeware... Microsoft, barred

         from JAVA ONE, hang around outside with free T-shirts and

         pizza coupons... "Internet Users Spend More Time, Money on

         PCs", INTERNETNEWS.COM uncovers... CU AMIGA put System 7 on

         their cover CD (3 times): didn't realise that Apple might

         object... CHARLIE BROOKER inevitably gets his revenge on

         Edge: http://www.ntk.net/edged/edge.ram ... AUSTRALIAN

         CHESS CHAMPION claims opponent distracted him "with her

         breasts"... controversial Oasis Webmaster DEREK GORMAN

         takes break - for A-Levels...





                              >> EVENT QUEUE <<

                        goto's considered non-harmful



         DECADENT ACTION have been inappropriately busy again,

         fussing us with press releases announcing this year's WORLD

         PHONE IN SICK DAY on 6/4/98. To usher in the new financial

         year, DA urge citizens to slack off, take a sickie, and

         thus undermine the economy and bring about the collapse of

         the state. We still think that actively reporting in sick

         is too much bother, though. Why not get your mate to call,

         so your boss *knows* you're faking it?

         http://www.paranoia.com/~rtmark/daphoneinsick.html

            - and what if I'm paid to be a medical research subject?



         The geek-friendly way to celebrate Jesus Christ's

         suspiciously convenient return from the dead: INTUITION,

         the "1998 British National Science Fiction (SF) Convention

         (Eastercon)", runs from next Fri [10/04/98] right through

         to Monday, at the Jarvis Piccadilly and Britannia Hotels,

         Manchester. Their site's oddly *counter*-intuitive, but the

         strange attractors appear to include authors Connie Willis,

         Ian McDonald and fanzine editor Martin Tudor, poetry, a

         costumed masquerade, plus what sounds like a version of

         Robot Wars which adheres rather more closely to Asimov's

         Three Laws. Admission on the door depends when you attend,

         or do all four days for just 40 of your Earth pounds.

         http://www.ast.cam.ac.uk/~acb/intuition/

           - clearly somehow they kept it a secret from George Takei



         Not to be confused with "The Quickening", in which

         Highlander-style "Immortals" battle to try and cut each

         other's heads off, THE GATHERING remains our favourite of

         the giant Scandinavian demo parties, if only because it's

         the only one we've ever been to. Like last year, it's held

         in the Vikingskipet (Viking Ship) Olympic skating stadium,

         Hamar, Norway (short train ride from Oslo), from Wed

         08/04/98 to 12/04/98. Specialist compos include Amiga 64K

         intro, Amiga 4K intro, PC 64K intro, PC 4K intro, PC Text-

         mode demo, C64 Demo, Java demo, Useless utility and (our

         favourite) the Totally Wild Compo.

         http://www.gathering.org

         - girls no longer get in free : this *is* an interesting trend

         http://www.thegathering.org

                    - not to be confused with "The Gathering Of Men"

         http://www.nirvana.it/home_int.htm

         - Christopher Lambert's next effort: Tron for the '90s?

                                                         In Italian?





                                >> TRACKING <<

                zzt ... zzt ... zzt... BLEEPEEPEEPEEPEEP BEEP



         Microsoft and the Royal Mail, working together: just how

         slow could you get? "None more slow," seems to be the

         answer: their new RELAYONE service lets you send your e-

         mail to a postal address, but it takes "up to" 24 hours to

         get into the envelope - and that's before it enters the

         uniformed routers of the PO's snailmail network. And none

         more expensive, either: 1.50UKP for a single A4 sheet.

         Messages can be sent to UK addresses only. Best bit:

         "RelayOne takes the matter of security very seriously

         indeed. That's why we use a sophisticated encryption system

         to protect your credit card details." And then print out

         your e-mail at our centre so that anyone can read it...

         http://relayone.msn.com/

         - "printed at 300dpi using professional industrial standard

                                                     laser printers"



         Spidey sense tingling? Must be the cool US toys from

         Christmas now filtering down to UK street level -

         including, at last, the SPIDERMAN WEB BLASTER. Potentially

         "the new nerf" of office geeks everywhere, this 15UKP arm-

         mounted webslinger allows you shoot foam silly-string at

         victims, while adopting the famous "wrist up" stance.

         Thwip! Thwip! Concerned parents might like to know that the

         Blaster has been nominated by "Top Ten Worst Toys" for its

         "potential for face and eye injuries". Other nominees

         include another Marvel-inspired death-trap, the

         *fantastically* lethal-looking Wolverine "Awesome Arm". A

         must for potential beserkers (ages 5 and up), this arm

         attachment features "retractable striking claws" for "claw

         striking excitement". Tell us if you spot it in Woolies.

         http://www.swartzlaw.com/toy

          - "Super Sock'em Boppers" sadly not a Rudy Rucker spin-off





                                >> MEMEPOOL <<

                              hasta la altavista



         special "return of the Extropians" memepack:

         www.transhumanist.com/ ... Ayn Rand translated back into

         Russian... http://members.aol.com/mattjasper/robotics/ ...

         And even the smart Lego movement is getting out of control:

         www.lego.com/technic/cybermaster/enhanced.asp ... Tetris

         for Quake: http://members.xoom.com/phooky/q2tetris.html ...

         MS NetShow 3 not to be RealAudio compatible; AOL prepares

         their own streaming audio system... "International Symbol

         of Victory": www.hi5arm.com/home2.html ... So how did Lycos

         get that plug into OKTOBER?... The FAST SHOW renamed

         "Brilliant!" for the US... Oh, and ftp://dk/ and

         http://listen.the.longest.host.name.you.can.have.is.255.cha

         racters.or.twohundredfiftyfive.if.you.want.to.see.it.in.its

         .full.glory.therefore.the.longest.url.better.start.with.a.h

         ost.name.which.is.precisely.two.hundred.fifty.five.characte

         rs.long.ok.666.assurdo.com/my.url.is.longer.than.yours/ are

         positively the last we have to say on this matter.





                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<

                         media junk for media junkies



         TV>> Channel 5 launches its imaginatively titled "Sci-Five"

         weekend with John Carpenter Jesus-weepie STARMAN (9pm, Sat,

         C5) - spoiled by the fact that at no point in the film does

         anyone say: "But you don't understand, Mrs Hayden: that

         *thing* is no longer your husband!"... also showing:

         classic '80s crypto-Nazi miniseries V (11.10pm, Sat, C5),

         and the first-ever THE INVADERS (4.15am, Sat, C5), whose

         titles strangely emphasise that a) it's a Quinn-Martin

         production, and b) that lead character David Vincent is an

         *architect*. Like that'd qualify him to do really detailed

         3D sketches of UFO interiors or something... rather more

         down-to-earth fun with Martin Scorsese in Dilbert nightmare

         AFTER HOURS (1am, Sat, BBC2) plus TAXI DRIVER (9.30pm, Sat,

         BBC2) - maybe the censors fell asleep and missed those last

         five, ultraviolent minutes?... otherwise it's time for "NTK

         readers plug their desperate stabs at fame": gangling Ben

         Moor appears in *next* week's episode of The-Bill-on-BBC

         cop drama CITY CENTRAL (8.10pm, Sat, BBC2)... precocious

         child composer Daniel Pemberton claims to have written the

         choons for gangster docu MOB LAW (9.30pm, Sat, C4)... it's

         the last LEE AND HERRING'S THIS MORNING WITH RICHARD NOT

         JUDY (12.15pm, Sun, BBC2), but their tour starts soon, info

         at www.leeandherring.com/this/tour.html ... and, who knows,

         even we might be vaguely funny (for once), abusing

         Microsoft's Barney-bot in the last of THE NET (11.15pm,

         Mon, BBC2)... the "Obsessions" dramas conclude with real-

         trainspotter play adaptation ANORAK OF FIRE (9.55pm, Sun,

         BBC2)... but plenty of the real thing in the Big Brother/

         New World Order free-range chat on FOR THE LOVE OF

         (12midnight, Mon, C4)... enhance your Easter week enjoyment

         with classic Disney sci-fantasy: THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE

         WORLD, THE ISLAND AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD, THE SPACEMAN AND

         KING ARTHUR, CONDORMAN, and 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA

         (10.30am-ish, Mon-Fri, BBC2)... Twin Peaks' Lara Flynn

         Boyle is one of the oversexed roomsharing students working

         through the permutations in THREESOME (10pm, Tue, C4)... a

         NewTek Video Toaster (and T-shirt) briefly cameo in worthy

         sequel WAYNE'S WORLD 2 (10pm, Wed, BBC1)... and watch for a

         MacGyver in-joke, plus an evil Egyptian-robot alien

         actually using the line "This one has *spirit!*", in

         hilarious spinoff series STARGATE SG-1 (8pm, Wed, Sky1)...



         FILM>> sorry, we goofed: SPHERE was postponed to this

         (already crowded) week to avoid the not-quite-sunk-yet

         Titanic, but it's *still* rubbish, even with the cameo

         appearance by Xterm. NTK says: instead, wait to see what

         possible twists Sharon Stone could encounter in Basic

         Instinct 2... wrinkly beekeeper Peter Fonda fails to

         explain exactly what Ulay (as in "Oil of Ulay") is as he

         ingeniously battles hoodlums for ULEE'S GOLD (MPAA rated: R

         for "language")... like an Australian tryout for his role

         in the upcoming Avengers, Ralph Fiennes joins Cate

         Blanchett as made-for-each other historical wackos in OSCAR

         AND LUCINDA (imdb: romance / drama / based-on-novel /

         gambling / obsession / 1800s)... Martin Scorsese teams with

         the writer of ET for philosophical Tibetan ponderings in

         KUNDUN (imdb: non-violence / buddhism / reverse-footage /

         biographical / monastry / drama / slow-motion / historical

         / political / religion / stop-motion / sand / teacher-

         student / dalai-lama / mandala)... Joe "Jagged Edge/ Basic

         Instinct" Eszterhas seems to have avoided his usual "it's

         not who you think - oh, it is" plot twist in autobiog

         coming-of-ager TELLING LIES IN AMERICA (MPAA rated: PG-13

         for "sex-related situations")... KILLER TONGUE (imdb:

         Spain) sounds just like a Latin Tarantino/ Rodriguez desert

         heist romance remake of Species... and finally, good to see

         Nathan Lane and Lee Evans dwarfed by rodent special effects

         in kiddie holiday fodder MOUSE HUNT (MPAA rated: PG for

         "language, comic sensuality and mayhem")...



         SKI-TEK>> Overwhelming urge to be your own Captain Nemo and

         voyage to the bottom of the sea? Check out US Submarines'

         Phoenix 1000, built _ a tad carelessly, perhaps - for a

         multimillionaire who welched on the deal, and yours for a

         mere $75 million: http://www.ussubs.com/ ... DIY fanatics

         cut along to "human Battenburg Cake" Adam Hart-Davis's

         http://www.bbc.co.uk/education/local_heroes/makesub.htm

         site to build a fully functional 18th-century Drebbel sub

         for more like 75p... More ambitious? Try the Breakthrough

         Physics Propulsion Research Workshop from NASA Lewis, which

         should tell you all you need to know to build a fully-

         functional star drive instead (well, nearly -- that last

         little bit is the point of the workshop, after all):

         www.lerc.nasa.gov/WWW/bpp/BPPWrkshp_STAIF_PrePrnt.htm ...

         With the American Chemical Society meeting offering plastic

         transistors for roll-up computer screens, buckyballs at a

         bargain-basement $100/pound and a recipe for metallic glass

         ("transparent aluminium", anyone?), the Enterprise is

         surely just around the corner... Quantum physicists seem

         unperturbed by the return of the ether... Watch out for new

         Mars Global Surveyor images of the Cydonian "Face on Mars",

         mid-afternoon 6/4/98, or early hours 15/4/98, and deep-

         frozen remains of plucky little Pathfinder a day or so

         later... then chat live to oh-so-cool Apollo Flight

         Director Chris Kraft at Yahoo 8-9PM ET on April 25th; he's

         promoting an HBO mini-series, but who cares?... satellite-

         linked GPS-controlled "liquid-manure applicator" under

         development at Purdue University: "It used to be that a

         farmer would go out and apply 20,000 gallons of manure

         without having records of where he put it," they say _ how

         unlike real life, then...





                              >> SMALL PRINT <<



      Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that

        happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it

      on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have

    nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.

      It is registered at the Post Office as "the pain in your office".





                                 NEED TO KNOW

            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.

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